i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
