Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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