im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
