On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
