yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
