Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
