Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
