I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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