As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
