someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
