I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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