God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
