I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
