Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
