Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
