i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He passed out mid-signature
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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