My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
