we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
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I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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