Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My vagina just recognized that song.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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