Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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