Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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