I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
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I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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