The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
