I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
