Sry I called you an 8
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
