Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
