she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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