I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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