Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Randomize
