I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
