if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
