Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
