sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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