Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
