Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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