hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
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