Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
