Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
