i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
