Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
