I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
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It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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