So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
