They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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