can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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