you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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