You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
