I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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