good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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