I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
