heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
