What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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