Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
