i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
