She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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