i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
His nipple licking is glorious
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