No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
