I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
