Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize