So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
