i can't believe i had my finger in that
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
