Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
operation have a gay friend backfired
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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