Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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