??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
