I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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