Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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