worst night to have a conscience
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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