the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
