it's not cheating when I paid for it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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