Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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