My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
