never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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