I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
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Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
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He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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