cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
