Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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