She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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