watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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