mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just tell him i said nine months
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
