I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
