i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We left an ass print on the piano.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
