Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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