when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
the raccoons are back...
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