Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
