i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
