at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
