There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
