Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
