There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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