i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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